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Besides getting your non-daily fix of humor, I want this blog to also be a respected and dependable news source. Inspired by Fox News, I will be ignoring facts and necessary research in order to bring you the best and most exciting news in the country! I promise I will stop at nothing to give you the stories you need to hear, and if other news outlets try claiming that my reports are inaccurate, remember that the left wing media is run by Nazi’s.
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BREAKING NEWS!!!
Illiterate Adults Find Wheel of Fortune Offensive
For the past month, the producers of the hit television game show Wheel of Fortune have been greeted by protesters when arriving to Sony Pictures Studio. But what’s the reason? Do the protesters think that the letter “y” should always be considered a vowel? Are they angry at Vanna White for holding the secret to eternal life? Or are they fed up with not knowing the true gender of Pat Sajak?
????????
None of the above.
The problem actually has to do with their own misfortunes.* These protesters are mad at the show because they are illiterate.
The group GHHH, which is supposed to stand for Illiterate Adults Around America, finds Wheel of Fortune offensive in that it only caters to those who can read. Gerald Ostrick, the founder of GHHH, explained.
“It’s insulting! A bunch of adults showing off the fact that they have a solid grasp of the alphabet! It’s called boasting, and it’s illegal!”
Boasting, which is definitely not illegal, is the accusation made against the show that has shocked the President of Sony Pictures, Jeff Blake.
“For the first couple of weeks we had no idea that we were being protested. They had signs and everything, but… you know… they’re illiterate. Nothing was spelled right. We thought maybe they were protesting Family Feud for being racist, which happens quite often. But when we heard that we were being accused of “boasting,” we were shocked. We thought promoting literacy was a good thing. I guess we were wrong… ??”
Pat Sajak was not as kind.
“Screw those guys! And put that in print, cause I know they won’t be able to read it!”
Pat Sajak, who has been suffering from “cranky old tranny’s disease” (COTD) since 2007, refused to retract this statement when the studio requested he do so.
THIS JUST IN!!!
The producers of Wheel of Fortune are refusing to change the format of the show and have suggested that the protesters watch more “Win, Lose, or Draw” reruns.
*Or should we say Wheel of misFortunes?