My Last Sports Article
For reasons unknown, the sports website I was writing for has stopped publishing articles. Or maybe they just stopped publishing my articles. Either way, I only had one more article that I haven’t shared with everyone, so I decided I would post it so it wouldn’t go to waste. Keep it mind, it was written before A-Rod hit his 600th home run.
MLB Temporarily Lifts Steroid Ban For A-Rod’s Pursuit Of 600
After becoming more and more impatient, the MLB has decided to temporarily suspend the steroid ban for Alex Rodriguez so he can hit his 600th home run.
Rodriguez, who has been one home run away from the milestone for over a week and a half, has gone 9-43 in the 11 games he’s played in since he reached 599. His latest effort, an 0-5 performance against the Blue Jays, was what led to the shocking decision. MLB commissioner Bud Selig commented.
“Watching his pursuit of 600 is like watching the ending of the third Lord of the Rings movie: You keep thinking it’s about to be over, but it just doesn’t end. I’m getting tired of it. The league is wasting too much money on specially printed balls, and I’m sick of having to attend Yankee games. They’re scary. So we’re temporarily going to look the other way while A-Rod injects himself with whatever made him hit 57 home runs in 2002. After he hits number 600, the ban will be reinforced.”
While popping a vein and excessively winking, Rodriguez commented on the news.
“I’m insulted by this. I don’t need any substance to hit home runs. I refuse to do it.”
He then high-fived all the reporters and walked into the training room with a gentlemen wearing a black trench coat and fake mustache.
Other players around the league are furious about the arrangement, including Boston’s David Ortiz.
“That’s unfair! He should have to risk a 50-game suspension like the rest of us! It’s like giving one person permission to kill his wife, but making it illegal for everyone else! It feels like the O.J. trial all over again! You think I don’t want to kill my wife?!?”
Ortiz’s wife was immediately given a 24-hour security escort after these comments were made. Roid rage is suspected.