Nickname
I realized the other day that I’ve never really had a cool nickname. Growing up I was pretty chunky, so my family called me “Bubba.” However, I’ve never had a nickname that didn’t lead to an eating disorder and terrible body image issues. Therefore, I wanted to make a list of nicknames that I would enjoy having.
Dangerous – How cool would it be to be called “Dangerous.” If someone called out “Hey Dangerous!” in a packed bar and were referring to me, it would make it a lot easier for others in the crowd to overlook my Dawson’s Creek sweatshirt, a must wear for any loyal Creeker out on the town.
Mary Poppins/Iraq – The combination of these two nicknames would be monumental. “I’m Sean, but some of my friends call me Iraq; my other friends call me Mary Poppins.” I’m sure Mary Poppins and Iraq have never come up in the same sentence, and if they have, the person that did so probably had quite the story.
Light Switch – This one would work better for when I meet the ladies cause I have a great line for it. But if I met a guy and he asked why they call me Light Switch, it be awkward to have to say, “Cause I’ll turn you on.”
Dyslexic, But I’m Not – “I’m Sean. People call me Dyslexic, But I’m Not.”
The Guy Who Saved The Day – I think I would introduce myself to everyone I saw if I could say, “My friends know me as The Guy Who Saved The Day.”
Jordan Catalano – What mid twenties boy wouldn’t want to be called Jordan Catalano?
Jon and Kate Plus Eight – It’s such a topical show right now, and since I’d love to be in US Magazine, I could call them and say “Jon and Kate Plus Eight is at the Jewel on the East Side of Elgin!” Then when they showed up I’d be wearing a super cute outfit, making them want to take my picture and put me in the magazine anyway.
(my super cute outfit)
That Cute Guy From Twilight’s Older Brother - Teenagers would love me if I introduced myself as “That Cute Guy from Twilight’s Older Brother.” I may hit a snag in the road once they realize I don’t know his name, but man would I be popular with them for a minute or two. And just like Raven Symone, I know how important it is to be loved by teens for a short period of time.
The Guy Who Knows How To Get A Pair Of That Cute Guy From Twilight’s Underwear – Please see above.
A Lot Because I’m Dying – This one would be great for getting free drinks. “I’m Sean. My friends call me A Lot Because I’m Dying. Want to buy me a drink?” The answer most often would be “yes.” The downside is that it could only be used for a short period of time before people would start to wonder why I’m not dead.
… Wait… Did You Just Fart? - It’d be a great icebreaker if I could say, “Hey, I’m Sean, AKA… Wait… Did You Just Fart?”
Pauly Shore – “I’m Sean, but people call me Pauly Shore because I don’t have a job.”
Please feel free to call me any of the above nicknames if you see me in a public setting.