A Response to My First Fan Letter
Today I received what I consider to be my first fan letter. A woman whom I’ve never met read one of my old articles from back in 2009 and took the time to write me her thoughts on it. The post she stumbled upon was one where I pitched a morning talk show called “Sean Milna-HO! and the Early Morning Dingleberries.”
http://seanssabbatical.com/my-morning-radio-show-pitch
In it I describe myself as a shock jock, and I introduce the reader to the other people on my talk show known as The Dingleberries. The Dingleberries consist of Eileen, a 26-year-old attractive coed from Nebraska, Phil the Gross, a 33-year-old Asian with elephantitis of the face, Sleepy Susie, a 22-year-old in an induced coma, and Fred Durst, a douche. Together we make the most out of control group of misfits the radio has ever heard.
My new fan found this particular post and was very enthusiastic about my picture of Phil the Gross.
Phil the Gross
Here is what she sent me:
“Wtf is wrong with you! I mean really, you think it’s funny to post a picture of someone that had a tumor in their face and then clearly state a lie about that young man. What if that was you sir, ma’am, what ever you are. You’re a pack animal and feast on peoples pain, what ails you? You must not have anything better to do with your time then to create stories about others.”
Receiving a fan letter is both humbling and overwhelming. This particular fan letter is typical: full of compliments and questions. And because I want to be as fan friendly as possible, I am going to respond to every question and compliment that was given to me by my new fan…
A Response to my First Fan Letter
Wtf is wrong with you! I mean really,
Although I believe that this is a personal question reserved for psychiatrists and first-time sexual partners, because this is a special occasion I will answer it:
Butt lice, extra nipples (seven), back-penis, nose hair that smells like farts, and dandruff plagued eyelashes.
you think it’s funny to post a picture of someone that had a tumor in their face and then clearly state a lie about that young man.
I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be that guy, but you’ve asked two questions so far and have used zero question marks. But I digress. The short answer to your question is yes, I do think it’s funny to post a picture of someone that had a tumor in their face and then clearly state a lie about that young man. But let me ask you a question: what exactly gives you the impression that this person is young? Is it his haircut? Or is it because you don’t think that someone in his condition could live a long life? If that’s the case, I’m slightly repulsed by your generalization.
What if that was you
Again, I’m really sorry, but I’ve yet to see a question mark. While tumor humor (rhyme!) doesn’t offend me, incorrect punctuation does (this excludes the incorrect use of colons and semi-colons since I don’t know how to use either). Please end each question with the proper typographical symbol.
In regards to your inquiry, I feel that since I still get occasional pimple at the age of 29, I can fully relate to someone who has unwanted extra skin on their face. You think he has it bad? I went to a New Year’s party at the age of 27 with a huge zit on my forehead. So I don’t have to ponder ‘what if’ I was this person because in a sense, I am this person. Only I have a much more adult haircut.
sir, ma’am, what ever you are.
I don’t know either.
You’re a pack animal and feast on peoples pain,
This is by far the most masculine thing anyone has ever said about me. It makes me feel like some sort of wild boar. Thank you.
It has also easily beaten out “Aint no Holla Back Girl” when it comes to what I want etched on my gravestone.
what ails you?
There’s that question mark! I was beginning to worry that your keyboard didn’t have one.
As to what ails me, I would have to say butt lice, extra nipples (seven), back-penis, nose hair that smells like farts, and dandruff plagued eyelashes.
You must not have anything better to do with your time then to create stories about others.
I heard that. In fact, I devoted an entire year of my life to this practice. But now because I’m working again I’m only able to do this every once in a while, and find the inspiration to do so when I receive angry letters from strangers who have an odd sensitivity for tumor jokes.
**This website was created to entertain, not offend. If the persons whose picture I used in my post is offended or hurt by my words, I will gladly remove it from this site. Luckily I wont have to because in all likelihood he’s dead**
R.I.P.
