Quick Bowling Alley Story

By Sean Patrick

Something happened at the bowling alley yesterday that I found humorous and sad. But mostly humorous. 

My friend and I went bowling because they had an all day $2 per game special. We were positioned about three lanes away from a lady, her two kids, and their grandmother. I hadn’t noticed them initially, but as I was about to bowl I looked over and saw the lady, with bowling ball in hand, get tackled by her kids and collapse to the ground. The bowling ball fell with a thud and she fell with an even louder thud. Originally it was like watching a clip from America’s Funniest Home Videos… that is until she started cursing at her kids, grabbing them with force, and scaring the living shit out of them. This made them both cry hysterically, and I was so frightened that I almost did the same. 

Not trying to be rude I looked away. Because bowling alleys are loud and my friend was doing other things, he did not notice this precious moment. In order to avoid him staring at the family who was falling apart at lane number nine, I decided to tell him at a later time. 

But when it was my friends turn to bowl, he said, “Sean. Sean.” I looked up. “Look over there dude.” He was motioning towards the family. After looking for a second I asked my friend what he wanted me to look at. “That kid is crying. It’s hilarious.”

I looked back over at the family again and the woman who took the spill was looking right at me with an angry face. I quickly looked away, but I knew that she thought I told my friend about her accident and we were having a good laugh about it. But the truth was my friend just thought it would be funny to point out a crying child. And it was.

The family left shortly after (probably because of the humiliation she was feeling after viciously yelling at her kids in public), and once she was gone I informed my friend of why the kid was crying and the uncomfortable situation he put me in by making me look over. 

In the end I kind of felt bad for the lady. It’s not her fault that her out of control kids wanted to tackle their mother while she was holding a potentially dangerous object in her hand. But it was still hilarious, and it makes me wonder how many clips from America’s Funniest Home Videos have to be shortened to avoid the child abuse that ensues immediately afterwards.

I can’t wait to have kids so I can yell at them in public. It’s such a funny thing to do.

meaningless picture