The Bucket List of Sean Milnamow

By Sean Patrick

My Bucket List

Make a comical special guest appearance on an episode of 16 and Pregnant.

Get gastric bypass surgery and try to beat it by following a strict diet of weight gainer and malt liquor.

Be invited to The White House, but turn it down because that day I’m scheduled to get a perm.

Make a bucket list.

Successfully predict the end of the world and live to tell about it.

Clone an evil version of myself and defeat him.

Rent Bucket List but don’t watch it. Then forget to take it back for a couple weeks and try to get out of the late fee.

Be acquitted of a very serious crime on national television. 

Be found guilty of this very same crime at the civil trial.

Legally change my first name to %.

Be labeled “heroic” by a foreigner.

Be suspended from a chess league because of a positive test for steroids.

Work at a Bath and Body Works until I become the owner. Then once in charge, change the focus of the franchise from lotions, bath items, personal care products and home fragrances to whoopie cushions and fart machines.

Go to Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel and wear a blindfold throughout the entire visit. 

Adopt a Kenyan and make him the slowest runner at his school.