Riddles!
Riddle: A homeless woman walks up to a wealthy man and says, “I have more money than you do.” The wealthy man says, “Oh, I doubt that.” They both pull out their most recent banks statements and compare, and in fact, the homeless woman has a lot more money than the wealthy man. How is this possible?
Answer: The homeless woman is Bill Gates.
Riddle: Two lifelong best friends, who have hung out together since they were very young, are taking a road trip across the country. Now 23 and 24, both friends are out of college and have full-time jobs. At a rest stop, the 24-year-old friend says to the 23-year-old friend, “I can’t hold this in any longer. You’re my son.” How is this possible?
Answer: The 23-year-old friend’s mom had sex with a 3-month-old 22 years and 9 months earlier.
Riddle: A little boy is in 1st grade, and to his surprise he gets a 100% on his spelling test. Thinking that he got the best score possible, he goes to the front of the class and makes fun of everyone because finally no one did better than him. When he is done with his rant, which includes him mooning his classmates and calling his teacher the c-word, he sits back down. His teacher then stands up and says, “It’s not true that no one did better than you.” How is this possible?
Answer: One of his classmates got a 103% on the test because the teacher is having an affair with the student’s father.
Riddle: A man, who has been training for months, runs the New York City Marathon is just under 3 hours. Being his personal best, the man decides to celebrate by going to see a Broadway show that night. After a lot of thought, the man decides to see Billy Elliot. He goes, enjoys himself, returns to his hotel and falls asleep. The next day a maid at the hotel finds him dead. How is this possible?
Answer: The man had AIDS.
Riddle: A deer is lying dead at the side of the road. A man sees the deer as he drives by, and hoping to be able to tell his friends that he shot it, he turns his car around and goes back to where he saw the deer. When he gets there, the deer is no longer there. How is this possible?
Answer: The deer wasn’t a deer at all… it was Bill Gates in a deer costume taking a nap by the side of the road. He woke up right after the car passed him and walked home.
Riddle: A woman is auditioning for a play. She is asked to sing her favorite song, and when she does the man who is holding the audition loves her. He tells her that she is going to be a big star and that even though there was still one more audition that day, she would be picked as the lead. The woman is ecstatic and runs home to tell her family. The next day she checks the cast, and to her astonishment she was not picked as the lead. How is this possible?
Answer: A woman with bigger boobs auditioned right after her.
Riddle: While crossing the street, an old man is struck by a car. While being rushed to a hospital, the old man dies. 4 days later at his funeral, the woman who was driving the car shows up. When the wife of the old man asks who she is, she says, “I am this man’s daughter.” How is this possible?
Answer: The old man was the driver’s father, and her mother didn’t initially recognize her because her makeup made her look like a prostitute.
Riddle: A lightning bolt hits a man while he is out golfing.
Answer: Is that a riddle?
Riddle: A baseball team goes over 100 years without winning the World Series. Currently there are 30 teams in the majors, meaning that statistically, even though there were far fewer teams in the majors 100-years-ago, this team at the very least should have won a World Series at least 3 times over the last century. But they haven’t. They’ve won 0. How is this possible?
Answer: There is no god.
